July 12, 2020
It’s so hard. To say goodbye.
As is the case with 2020, I didn’t expect this. Supposed that is how its supposed to be though. When we signed up to have Amanda come live with us, it was only supposed to be for 4 months. Easy, right? She will move in, we can hang and learn about each other and our cultures, move out and move on. WRONG.
When covid hit, we all felt it was best for Amanda to stay with us a while longer, moving to a new house just wasn’t the best idea. Henrik and Signe (her parents) deferred to her to make the choice…stay in America or fly home to Denmark. She stayed. All the while everyone is growing closer.
I remember driving her and a friend home one afternoon. We were talking about relationships, parents to kids, etc. and I was telling her about how I didn’t think I would get emotionally attached to having her around. It’s four months….please, it took about 4 minutes before she was part of the family. Anyway, I’m driving and telling her this and I told her while she may not be my blood daughter, she is absolutely my daughter. And I would do anything for her. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, or in 43 years. Thats what parents do.
I used to talk to Tim and my mom Nancy about being a parent. They say you don’t understand love until that moment. I blew them both off because they know nothing, but sure enough when Lennon was born I suddenly understood. And then Charlotte two years later. Then seven years later Amanda. I get it, the joy, the love, the fear and unknown. I’ll be damned, Tim and Nancy were smarter than me.
I knew that this day would come. there was no stopping it, I can’t stop life from happening. We can try to hold a moment in time, but it’s just a moment and there will be other moments to hold in the future. It’s time to go home to Denmark. Ugh. We are sad, but so blessed to have been a small fraction of her life. In 30 years when her kids are asking about how her time in America was I hope that the past four months are a blip. I hope she talks about the puppy and how she loves to cuddle on the couch with her. I hope she talks about trying to teach me algebra so I can teach it back to her. I hope she talks about swimming in the Caribbean waters and seeing a turtle. I hope she talks about making PHP meals at the deli. I hope she talks about getting not one, but two pairs of my sunglasses to take home! I hope she talks about jet ski’s with the Sim’s. I hope she talks about cheerleading, and dinners with the family. About staying up at 2am just talking. About chess games and playing games on our phones. About Mario and Disney plus. About horrible Netflix shows with her FM. About binge watching Once Upon a Time every night for a month. About her friends the Italian and the Spaniard and having them around our house. Teenagers are funny people in groups. About the night the girls went to the snow ball. About spa day on the couch with Charlie, and Marvel movies with Lennon. I hope she remembers how much of a life she gave to this silly American family. We’re better because of her. America is better because of her.
I’m not ready to say goodbye. I was joking with her mother Friday about keeping her here for another 5 years or so. Signe told me that we can come visit anytime. Her flight is Wednesday, I said I’ll be there Thursday.
I wont be the same moving forward in the best possible way. Thanks Amanda. Thanks for jumping into the unknown. You are a beautiful, funny, intelligent, wonderful young woman. Thanks for allowing me to be your non-dad dad. Im going to miss you silly amounts, so call would you please? I know, you’re a teenager and you only text, but a phone call wouldn’t kill you.
No quote today. Just me and my words for Amanda.
I love you sweetheart. I’ll miss you, but it’s not goodbye. It’s simply I’ll see you soon.