March 1, 2021

I can still picture where you sat that last day, eating lunch. The last thing we talked about in person. The last text message we sent.

Im not sure that time makes everything better. Sometimes time just is time, the space between two points. Its been four years and it feels like it was four minutes ago. Life has changed in ways we didn’t plan on. Friends have come while some have drifted apart. new sandwiches and ideas have flourished, while others have moved on to greener (leaf lettuce) pastures. There is this whole pandemic thing. But its still only been four minutes for me. im still sad.

I don’t understand, though not for a lack of trying. Maybe my brain doesn’t work right, or my heart isn’t able to self correct, maybe I still haven’t accepted it. Perhaps its just something im not supposed to understand, just destined to live with. We all deal with death throughout life, it is unavoidable. i would never presume to understand how you deal with it (or dont), I can only speak for my space.

I remember talking with Wayne, tim’s priest at st johns a few days after, Wayne would often stop by to check on me. I had a lot of questions, deep life questions that dont have answers. He said grief is the bill that comes at the end of life, the bill that must be paid. Its the price we all pay for loving someone.

Todays lyric comes from my friend David. Its for my friend Tim. Love you.

We can be heroes

Just for one day.

Timmy.